Jashin's Angel
by Lost to the Hoping
Summary: After Sasukes death at the hands of Naruto and Konoha, Sakura goes more than a little nuts. When she finds herself on a mountain pass with a talking head, a plan for revenge surfaces and she starts to resurrect the demolished Akatsuki. HidaSaku On Hiatus
1. Prologue

**Jashin's Angel  
Prologue**

xXx

The clearing went eerily quiet when Naruto's kunai plunged into Sasuke's chest. Red eyes bled to black and the Uchiha's face went blank. He stared at Naruto and the blond stared back, blue eyes wide with shock.

"Dobe," Sasuke muttered dryly.

A brief smile flitted across Naruto's face. "Teme," he replied softly.

Sasuke's knees buckled beneath him and he crashed to the ground with a painful sounding thud, only Naruto's kunai and the blond's grip on it keeping him upright. Both grunted with the unexpected movement, Sasuke's own kunai embedded in Naruto's side. The mixed blood of their enemies and their allies mingled on their clothing.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura screamed. She tried to run to him, but was held back by Sai. "Let me go! Sasuke-kun!"

"Sakura, if you go to him, you're a traitor, too," Kakashi hissed severely, placing his hand on her shoulder. Despite his words, his eyes were riveted on his two former teishi, a worried expression in his eye. Beside him, Yamato stood frozen, not quite understanding the situation, but taking it in nonetheless.

Sakura froze, her eyes wide. "But Sasuke-kun…"

Sasuke wasn't paying attention to her or anyone besides Naruto. "Thanks, Naruto," he croaked.

Naruto blinked. "Thanks? Thanks for what?" he demanded. "Sasuke… I've killed you!"

Sasuke shrugged, wincing when the action caused pain to blossom throughout his body. "Doesn't matter, Naruto. I'll be with Itachi-nii now." He smiled, the first true smile since he'd been led to believe his older brother was a traitor all those years ago. He'd regret leaving his best friends behind, but he needed to set things right. He needed to apologize to Itachi and his family. He wasn't able to continue the bloodline and now... Now the Uchiha were extinct.

Naruto could only gape at this revelation, unable to comprehend the Uchiha's reasoning. He was going to die, and all he could think about was his _brother_? It was unreal, Naruto tried to convince himself. Completely and utterly unreal. The blond shook his head and twined his fingers in Sasuke's shirt, pulling him forward so that they were nose-to-nose.

"I promised I'd bring you back," he stated seriously. "You aren't gonna die, Sasuke. Sakura!" He was going to make sure Sasuke was healed and brought back home.

Sakura hadn't taken more than a step when Sasuke reached up and jerked Naruto's kunai to the side, making sure the wound was fatal. The blood started to gush as Naruto's eyes widened.

"And be in prison the rest of my life? I think not." He pulled out a dagger and his sword, handing the latter to his former teammate. "Help me?" he asked, his eyes pleading. When he went, he wanted it to be by Naruto's hand alone.

Naruto swallowed and nodded. "Yeah," he choked out, tears drizzling down his cheeks. He took his hand off of his kunai and stood as Sasuke got into position, holding the sword tightly in his hands.

"No!" Sakura screamed and Sasuke plunged the dagger into his own stomach. "Naruto, don't you dare!" She made a move to stop the blond, her arms outstretched.

Sai frowned and grabbed her again to keep her back. "Let him keep his honor, Sakura-chan," he murmured.

She let out a sob and watched as Naruto swung the sword down, severing Sasuke's head from his body. She screamed as the head rolled on the ground. "Sasuke-kun!"

xXx

Tsunade was staring out the window morosely when Shizune opened the door, closing it behind her. She stood quietly, shifting from foot to foot as she waited for the Hokage to speak.

"How is she?" the blonde woman asked after a moment, referring to Sakura.

It had been two weeks since Uchiha Sasuke had committed Seppuku and she seemed to be all but comatose. The girl was heart broken over her lover's death and couldn't accept that his best friend had helped him move on nobly. Sasuke would have been put in jail for a few weeks before being executed, had he returned. It was probably best that he had ended his own life, but Sakura refused to accept it, no matter how much sense it made.

Shizune shook her head, admitting, "Not good." She sighed and gestured helplessly to convey her feelings on the matter. "She refuses to leave her room, much less her bed, and only ever talks to Neji, of all people. Naruto tried to talk to her, but she put him through a wall, and Shikamaru's too afraid because of it to even _try_ talking to her, not that I blame him. Your affect on her seems to have had adverse results, considering the current situation." She shrugged, and her shoulders drooped. "She's changed so much. I don't know what to do."

"I don't think anyone does," Tsunade replied, exhaling. "Just... post Naruto at her door tonight and we can have Neji at her door during the day."

Shizune nodded and left. Tsunade sighed, pinching her nose. It was going to be a _long_ day.

xXx

Naruto arrived at Sakura's apartment just as the sun dipped below the horizon. Not seeing Neji outside, he knocked gently and stepped inside to see that she was sobbing into a rather confused Hyuuga's chest. Neji looked up and gave Naruto a questioning look.

Naruto shifted uncomfortably, feeling as if he were intruding. "Um... Sa-Sakura-chan. Neji needs to-"

"Get lost!" she snapped, turning away from Neji and wiping her eyes. She glared at him; the only emotion in her eyes that of fury. "I don't ever want to see you again, Naruto! You… You killed him… you killed… Naruto… killed…" She burst into sobs again, falling against her bed, and Neji took the chance to slip out of the room.

Naruto followed him, and the Hyuuga sighed, leaning against the wall. "Keep an eye on her, Naruto," he ordered, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "At this point, there's no telling what she'll do." He shook his head and patted the blond's shoulder. "Good luck and I'm sorry she blames you for it."

Naruto hung his head. "But it's true, I _did_ kill him."

Neji's brow furrowed in slight concern. "Don't blame yourself. I heard it all from Sai. Sai says that Uchiha _asked_ you to. No one blames you."

"I know, and that's probably the worst part," Naruto muttered, before sighing and pushing Neji away gently. "Anyway, Genma's having a party for Kakashi senpai's birthday, so you should go and tell 'em I'm sorry I couldn't make it."

Neji nodded. "I will, though something tells me Hatake's not in the mood to celebrate." His gaze flickered toward Haruno's room, noting somewhere in the back of his mind that her sobs had quieted. "I'll see you."

"'Bye."

He trotted off, leaving Naruto alone, and the blond closed his eyes, leaning against the door frame. He just didn't have the energy to deal with this anymore.

xXx

Sakura opened her eyes after crying for a while, but as usual, the monsters were still milling about her room. She'd gotten used to them.

One of them roared, spitting vile acid and melting away another piece of the floor. Another crashed against the door, but wasn't able to get through it.

_Crash, crash, craaaaaaaassshhhhhh…._

_Tick-tock…_

xXx

Neji stepped into the Konoha pub and was instantly accosted by Ino and Hinata, who were drunk and wanted to know where Naruto was.

"He's on duty," Neji answered in a monotone, sighing. He pushed his way passed the two, his eyes searching the bar for Hatake. There he was, sitting at the far end of the bar, between Kiba and Shiranui, nursing a drink. As Neji had expected, he didn't look very enthusiastic.

Genma grabbed Neji's arm as he reached them, pulling him down onto the seat. "Here! Have a drink, Hyuuga!" he yelled drunkenly, getting several laughs in the process.

Neji sighed and agreed, knowing Genma wasn't going to let him weasel his way out of it this time.

xXx

The next time Sakura's eyes opened, everything had a red tint to it. The door closed quietly, and she realized someone had been checking on her.

Was it Sasuke? It wasn't entirely impossible for her to see him again, at this rate, she mused vaguely, watching as another monster fell through the rapidly deteriorating floor. She wondered why no one had noticed it yet, if they were checking on her. Couldn't they see it?

_Tick-tock, tick-tock…_

xXx

Naruto closed his eyes and sighed, having just checked the clock. It was almost midnight, and he imagined that Kakashi's party was just about in full swing. It was too bad he was missing it…

xXx

_Tick-tock, tick-tock…_

Sakura opened her eyes, wondering where it was coming from. What was that noise…? She stumbled to her feet and to the window, shoving it up. The cool night breeze brushed against her face and she imagined some of the red tint going away. In fact… There were no monsters outside, were there? She could go search for Sasuke safely outside...

Without waiting for rationality to kick in, Sakura toppled out the window.

_Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock-tack…_

xXx

Naruto started when he heard a crash inside Sakura's room. He rushed in and looked around, then ran to the open window. No sign of her. "Shit!"

He rushed out of the room, sounding an alarm on his way down the hallway, and ran out into the darkness.

xXx

_Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock-tack… Tick-tock-tack… Crash, crash…_

Sakura giggled when Naruto ran into the forest, presumably after her. He hadn't seen her hiding, had he? Stupid Naruto. She stumbled forward, grabbed up her kunai pack, and ran into the forest. Now she could search in safety for Sasuke-kun…

xXx

_Th-thump… Th-thump… Tick-tock, tick-tock… Th-thump…_

Hidan's eyes opened, and he stared into the darkness, smiling. "I can hear my heartbeat…" _Come to me, little girl. Come to me, and bring me my heartbeat…_

xXx

**Okay, so there's the prologue! I hope you liked it! R&R!**


	2. Five Years Later

**Jashin's Angel**

**Five Years Later**

**Chapter One**

-

Sakura, at this current moment in time, was pretty damn sure she was supposed to be cold. Then again, did the insane _get_ cold? After all, that lady in the last town had called her 'insane', and Sakura found herself wondering if she really was. There were no monsters here, of course. There were never any monsters outside, only inside.

And they melted the floor.

Which would probably be why they weren't outside, since you couldn't fall through the floor outside… Sakura sighed. Right… Cold. She was supposed to be cold. Why? Because _that_, she paused in her thoughts long enough to point down at a clump of snow, was snow. Snow, up until now, was cold. And snow on a _mountain_ was colder.

Ergo, she was supposed to be cold.

However, before Sakura could continue her mental debate, she tripped over something, which proceeded to cry out in pain. She looked. She screamed. It was a disembodied head.

"Aaaaah!!! It's talking!" she shrieked.

"Jashin dammit, woman! Shut up! You're giving me a headache!"

"Shikamaru killed you!" she shouted, suddenly, in a rare moment of lucidness in her daily insanity, realizing who he was.

"No he didn't!" the man shouted at her, looking annoyed. "Now shut up or I'll bite your ankle!"

She stared at him. Then… "What if I moved out of the way?"

He glowered at her. "Shut up."

For some reason, she did, her mouth clamping shut. Instead of talking, however, she leaned forward, her face an inch from his, staring into his rather pretty crimson eyes.

He bit her nose.

She yelped and jumped back, rubbing the offended piece of her face, calling chakra to her hand. "Don't make me squash you!"

He snorted. "Ha! Like it'd kill me!"

"It would _still_ hurt!" she retorted.

"Hn, shut up and let me think, woman."

She pouted, but obeyed, watching him curiously. Or would 'he' be an 'it', seeing as how he was… well, just a head? Sakura's brow furrowed and she raised a hand, as if waiting for him to call on her.

He ignored her, muttering to himself, apparently thinking.

"I can hear you," she commented, when he muttered something about tricking her into helping him.

He paused, his eyes going from her face to her upraised hand. "Oh. What do you want?"

"Um… Are you a 'he' or an 'it'?" she asked, her face blank.

He stared at her for a moment, not failing to notice that her hand was still raised. "I'm a he," he answered after a moment, looking skeptical.

"Oh. Okay." She lowered her hand and stared at him.

He stared back. "Are you completely nuts?" he asked after several silent moments.

"I dunno," she answered. "But a lady called me insane last week. I don't think I'm insane, though." She grinned. "'Cause the monsters don't bother me outside!"

He sighed. "Great, I called a nut…"

"Look who's talking," she retorted, sniffing and crossing her arms across her chest.

This, of course, drew his eyes to them, and he was barely able to look away before she noticed. "Right, so here's the deal. I want you to help me with something-"

"You mean getting your body? What's in it for me?" She _had_ heard him muttering, remember.

"Yeah, and… er…" His brow furrowed as he thought that bit over for a moment. "Fine. Name something."

Sakura touched her collar bone thoughtfully. "You're some sort of evil magic man, right?"

His eyes narrowed. "Yes, why?"

"Could you…" She paused and bit her lip, before continuing on. "Could you bring Sasuke-kun back?"

"No," he answered instantly. "That's not within my abilities, I'm sorry."

She sighed, her eyes closing, and she could still see that final battle. She could still see Naruto's kunai plunging into Sasuke-kun's heart. Her eyes snapped opened, and she looked straight into Hidan's eyes. "I'll help you," she decided.

His eyes narrowed. "… if…?"

The smile she gave him was rather scary in its saccharine sweetness. "I'll help you, if you help me in return. I want Uzumaki Naruto's head on a stick, and then I'll do anything you want."

He smiled back. "Now _that's_ something I can do."

"Great!" she chirped, her smiling widening. "Now! Let's start, huh?"

"Indeed. We'll start off in the direction of the west."

"O-kay!" She grabbed a small towel out of her bag, wrapped him in it, though leaving some space where he could see, and started walking, smiling happily the entire time. Something told her the monsters wouldn't come back for a long time.

-

"Nothing, Hoshigaki-sama," Shisuke announced, bowing in front of his master.

Kisame sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "Keep searching, he can't be dead; he's immortal, idiot."

"Yes, Hoshigaki-sama," Shisuke agreed before disappearing out the door.

Kisami glanced out the window, watching all the other, silly little humans milling about in this third-rate town. Going about their lives as if it was the best thing in the world. Che, idiots. They didn't know the meaning of struggle, and they probably never would. Only ninja truly knew, and then only half the time. Like that brat Uzumaki. He hadn't known shit about struggle.

And he wouldn't, the stupid shit. He'd killed both Uchihas, and then got away with it scot-free.

Kisame sighed. Well not for long. Soon, he'd get his.

-

"BLONDIE!!!"

"Bitch!"

"Bodiless freak!"

"Over-weight nutcase!"

"Oh, you didn't!"

"I did! Whatchya gonna do about it?!"

"Ha! There! Check-mate!"

Hidan sighed, rolling his eyes. It was kind of hard to play chess without any hands, and because of this, she always won. "Dammit."

Sakura grinned. "I won, I won, ha ha ha ha haa haa!"

He glared at her. "Bitch."

She laughed. "Anyways, we should probably get going, huh?"

"Yes, probably." He glanced at the box containing most of his left hand. They just needed to find the rest now. "Right or left?"

She bit her lip, standing and looking both ways. They had camped in a small cave in the mountains the night before, and therefore only had two directions to go the next morning. "Well, we came from the right, so let's go left!"

"Fine, then pick me up and we'll start on our journey."

She grinned and scooped him up with his towel, dumping the chess set they'd stolen from a dead foreigner – that they'd killed themselves – into it's carry bag before shoving that into her own bag and pulling the ties closed. She put the bag on her back and went left out of the cave. "Do you think we'll find anything interesting today?"

"I don't know," was his annoyed answer.

"Too bad you can't shrug," she commented, amused when he growled. "How can you talk, anyway?"

"Practice."

She giggled. "Oh." That made sense. Duh, Sakura, don't be an idiot. "Okay, then we'll find something interesting."

Hidan sighed. "And why are you so dead-set on finding something interesting, huh?"

"'Cause then things won't be boring, right?"

His brow furrowed, as he was still trying to get used to her rather odd logic. "I suppose."

"Then," she said, smiling and turning his head around to face her, "wouldn't it be better to find something interesting than to be bored all day?"

"I guess."

"Well, then! I think we'll find something interesting, don't you?" she asked, turning him back around.

"Very well."

She bopped his cheek gently, grinning. "And don't just agree with me because it's easier."

Hidan rolled his eyes. "Oops, you caught me," he replied in a monotone, his voice definitely conveying his 'humoring her'.

She sighed, swinging her legs over the rocks and dropping down, much to his surprise. The fall wasn't all that long and they were soon on another path, all that much closer to the ground. "Oh, wasn't that fun, Hidan?" she asked.

"Loads," he replied, sure that if he'd had his chest with him, his heart would be beating heavily from the shock.

She snickered. "Scared ya, didn't I?" she asked, guessing correctly.

"Not really, you just surprised me. I can't die, and I don't really care if you go off and do something stupid to get yourself killed."

"You're mean, Hidan!" she protested, and for a moment, he wondered if she were always this 'happy-go-lucky'. It must have been the insanity.

"And you're stupid. You're point?"

"I could drop your head in a river and walk away, you know," she pointed out.

"I won't die."

"So, it would probably still be annoying. And it burns when water goes up your nose."

Ah, a valid point. "But would you be that mean?" he hedged.

She paused, physically, to consider this. "You know, I might. I don't think I can distinguish right from wrong anymore… Would killing that foreigner be considered 'wrong'? Even though he had that little girl with him, and he was quite obviously not keeping her for love-"

"Not to mention you killed her," Hidan pointed out.

"I was getting to that. So… Would all that be 'wrong'?" She started walking again. "Or would killing that man be right, and killing the girl be putting her out of her misery?"

"We could have raised her as a Jashinist," was his only reply to this incessant rambling.

"Hm, you could have." She hummed thoughtfully. "Actually, I don't even think she was completely dead when we left her. Should we go back and check?"

"And waste the six days traveling there and back? I think not."

"Oh, well… Maybe we'll run into her again." She smiled at this thought. "It would be kind of neat to have my own daughter."

Hidan rolled his eyes. "No, I wouldn't let you. You're not sane enough to raise a child, and I don't have a body."

"You mean you'd be good enough to let her live?"

"I'd raise her to be a Jashinist," he answered. "As for 'letting her live', only if she didn't annoy me."

"Oh."

It was silent for a moment, before she spoke again. "So, it's all a rather moot point, asking if I'd be that mean, because I really don't know. Honestly, at the moment I'd probably drop you into the water, then leave to go find an apple. Of course, being alone means seeing the monsters, and I don't really care for that, so… I might just keep you around, if only to avoid that."

He snorted. "So you _can_ be selfish, I see."

"Everyone has the ability to be selfish, Hidan. It's only human. Some people just show the trait more often than others, that's all."

If he'd had his body, he would have shrugged. "Whatever, it doesn't matter." He stared out ahead of them, glad to see that they were almost to the bottom, when he caught sight of something moving. "What's that?"

Sakura clutched him and hid behind some rocks. "Shit," she muttered. It was Sai. Had he followed her? Did he track her? Why was he here? She'd been gone from Konohagakure for nearly five years, give or take a few months. Were they seriously still searching for her, after all this time?

"Sakura," Hidan hissed. "Who is that?"

She shook her head and placed him gently down, behind some smaller rocks along with her bag. "Be quiet, Hidan, let _me_ deal with this," she snapped, before edging out behind another rock away from the head.

Sai was walking toward the mountain, a pack on his back and his face as blank as usual. He held a wooden block in one hand and seemed to be talking to it.

"No way," she muttered. He had a wood-clone of Yamato with him, meaning Yamato taicho himself probably wasn't far off.

"Damn it all," she mumbled, pulling a kunai from her weapons' holster.

Sure enough, seconds later, Yamato himself came up out of the ground and handed Sai a scroll, saying something to him as the block in Sai's hands vanished with a 'poof'. Sai nodded and Yamato sunk into the ground again, leaving Sai alone.

He reached into his own holster and pulled out a kunai. "Who's there?" he demanded, his eyes searching the expanse of rock. "I can sense your chakra so come out!"

Wait, why didn't he know it was her? Was it possible…? No, it couldn't be. Sakura shook her head and decided she'd ask Hidan about it later, before stepping out into view. Without waiting for Sai's reaction, she called chakra to her fist and slammed it into the ground, sending a crack in the Earth toward him.

Predictably, he dodged, his eyes widening. "S-Sakura! What-!"

Sakura sent another punch to the ground and lunged at him when he dodged. Somehow, he dodged yet again and countered with his ink lions, though she punched right through those, pathetically easily.

"Sakura!" he gasped, dodging another hit. "Why are you attacking me!?"

She finally managed to land a hit, sending him flying in the opposite direction. "Why? Don't ask me!" she said, laughing. "It's just fun!"

Sai gritted his teeth and rolled away from her next punch, which created a small crater in the ground. "What? Fun? You're attacking me because it's _fun_?"

She grinned. "Yep! Stop following me around!"

"Sakura!" came Hidan's annoyed voice from the rocks.

Sai froze, looking in it's direction. "Who's that?" he demanded, starting toward Hidan.

Sakura punched him out, getting between him and Hidan as he staggered to his feet. "None of your business, Sai," she growled.

Sai wiped some blood from the corner of his mouth – blood, which probably meant he had internal injuries as well as the physical ones she could see, her inner medic pointed out – and shook his head. "I don't understand, Sakura-chan. Who is that? Why'd you run away?"

"Why'd you kill a man and child three days travel from here," Yamato added, coming up out of the ground, arms crossed.

Sakura frowned, tipping her head. "Oh, she didn't survive?" she asked, sounding disappointed. "Well, that sucks."

"You don't seem contrite," Yamato pointed out, glaring at her. "Haruno Sakura, you're under arrest."

She smiled. "See, Hidan!" she called to her new friend. "I told you something interesting was going to happen!"

"Don't get killed!" was his annoyed reply.

"Hidan?" the two men in front of her chorused, though she was already talking over them.

"Oh! So you _do_ care!" she chirped happily, grinning ear-to-ear.

There was a derisive snort. "Who else is gonna help me find my body?"

Oh. "You're so mean, Hidan!"

"Duh. Evil," he pointed out.

"Come out, Hidan!" shouted Yamato, pulling out a kunai.

Sakura snickered. "Sorry, Yamato taicho, but he can't. He's just a head," she stated.

"Gee, thanks," Hidan muttered sarcastically, staring evilly at the rock in front of him. He heard a few more crashes and grunts before Sakura came trotting happily around the rocks into his view, two tied up, knocked out Konoha ninja with her.

She tossed them to the side and scooped up her stuff and his head. "Well! Let's get going, shall we?" she asked, humming happily.

"Fine, fine, just stop talking," he muttered, annoyed. Though, in her defense, he sure wasn't going to piss her off any time soon, at least not until he regained his body. After all, both of those ninja were ANBU status.

-

**Well, yes, I've gotten out the first chapter! Yay for me. I think I'm gonna stop for a bit now, though, 'cause my muse is getting… weird. I hope you like! R&R! Review, people! Don't just fave or alert it! I want feed-back! I wanna know if this is good or not, you know!**


	3. Curious

**Jashin's Angel**

**Curious**

**Chapter 2**

-

"Hey, Hidan?"

A sigh. "What?"

Sakura tipped her head up and stared up at the clouds, imagining that one was shaped like a kunai… with rabbit ears. "I was wondering… What is it about your religion that makes you wanna be in it to begin with?"

For a moment, Hidan didn't answer, but when he did it sounded disbelieving. "Are you _serious_?"

"I'm always serious!" she protested, indignant.

"You're _never_ serious, which, I suppose, answers my own question."

Sakura felt a tic begin in her temple. "Oh, really? Don't make me chunk you into the nearest tree!"

"Speaking of trees… Dig under that one," he ordered.

"Which one?" Sakura asked, looking around. After all, they _were_ in a forest. "They're everywhere."

Hidan sighed. "Stop, now, turn left." She obeyed. "Okay, see the one with the knot that looks like a face?" A nod. "The one right next to it, on the left."

"Okay!" She put him down on the ground, dumped her pack – almost dropping it on his face in the process – and pulled out a kunai. "Ya sure it's this one?"

"Yes, now dig," he answered, annoyed. His annoyance ebbed away when she leaned down to obey, and he was left staring at her rather sexy bottom. Boy, he picked minions real well, didn't he? "Ah, man… And I don't have a body," he muttered, scowling.

She looked at him over her shoulder. "Huh? You say something?"

"Uh… No, I didn't," he lied.

She shrugged and continued to dig.

Dammit. That ass… Oh, Jashin… His god must be punishing him for something, because... because… Oh, that ass!

Hidan's thoughts were interrupted when Sakura threw a clump of dirt in his face. "Stop staring at my ass, pervert!" she snapped, not pausing in her work.

He scowled and spit the slightly damp soil out of his mouth, hoping there weren't any worms in it. Ew. "Well maybe you shouldn't shake it!"

"I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

Another clump of dirt smacked him in the face. "No I'm not!'

He growled. Jashin damn it, he couldn't argue, because then he'd get dirt in his eyes. "Stupid woman."

"I heard that." With a soft cry of triumph, Sakura straightened and turned around, revealing… A big toe. His right big toe, if he wasn't mistaken. "See? Wonderful, isn't it?"

"Brilliant," he replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Put it in the box and let's go."

-

"So… Like, what's the point?"

"What are you on about, woman?" Hidan demanded, not quite able to see her. After all, they only had his chest and a hand. It wasn't like he could turn around and look at her.

"That religion of your's," Sakura clarified, walking into view with a bowl of soup. Now that he had his stomach, he could eat, and he rather enjoyed her cooking. You know, even though it was an insane woman that was cooking it.

"Jashin?" he asked, brow furrowing. She seemed to be awfully curious about shit, didn't she?

She nodded, feeding him a spoonful of the soup, revealing it to have a rather odd taste to it. "Yeah, that's it."

He scowled at her but was prevented from replying when she shoved another spoonful into his mouth. He chewed and swallowed. "What do you _mean_ 'what's the point'? Are you cra- er, stupid?" He already knew she was crazy, so that wasn't the right question.

"Crazy, not stupid," she pointed out before forcing another spoonful in his mouth. "And I mean, like Christianity has a point – they want to cleanse their souls before going on to the next life – and Wiccan has a point, sorta, and so does Hindu and even the Japanese religions. So what's the point of Jashin?"

"He's a god of evil, take a wild guess."

"Oh." She paused thoughtfully, causing him to stare longingly at that spoon hovering in mid-air. His eyes followed it around when she gestured with her next statement. "But isn't that kinda… I dunno, odd?"

"No! It's not odd at all!" And no, he did _not_ just whimper longingly while staring at that spoon.

Sakura rolled her eyes and shoved the spoon into his mouth, preventing further protest. "Well, whatever. Another thing I wonder about, though. What is it with that resurrection thing? You can't find a way to bring anybody back?"

He shook his head, sighing. "I can, but my choices of whom are rather limited."

"What do you mean?" she demanded, frowning. "I thought you said you _couldn't_ resurrect anyone."

"No, I said I couldn't resurrect Uchiha Sasuke. And I can't. Like I said, it's kinda limited. I plan on bringing back Akatsuki, but… Now spoon!"

She dumped the spoonful of soup in his mouth and dropped the metal utensil into its bowl, frowning at him. "Why _can't_ you resurrect him? If you can do Uchiha Itachi, I don't see why you can't do Sasuke-kun too!" she shouted angrily. She reached forward, grabbing either side of his head and pulling it forward so that they were eye-to-eye, ready to rip his skull apart should he give the wrong answer.

Hidan closed his eyes, looking for all the world like he wanted to pinch his nose, but lacking the arm to do it with, though he did have his hand. "Because I didn't _claim_ him, that's 'why not'!" he snapped, clearly on the edge of his patience.

Oh, she _really_ wanted to crush that pretty little skull of his. And she _did_ mean pretty. If it weren't for the fact that he was no more than a torso, head and three fingers, she might consider him attractive. But unfortunately for him, he didn't have most of his body. For the moment, anyway.

"Guh! Whatever," she muttered, releasing him with a huff, crossing her arms.

"Bitch," he muttered, only to get whacked upside the head. "Hey!"

She got to her feet and stomped off, deciding to just leave him alone to rot. It wasn't like he was doing her any favors or anything. He was just going to help her kill Naruto, nothing else. She paused, tipping her head to the side and staring at a rock. They were in the foothills of another mountain, traveling through them to a city on the other side.

If she left Hidan here, she wouldn't get help with her revenge, and she really couldn't imagine what would happen to poor Hidan. Who knows what would happen to half a man, out here, all alone with no one to care for him?

Even though he _was_ a prick, and they fought a lot, at least he kept the monsters at bay; they were getting restless, after all. Those monsters would crowd around the edge of the firelight at night, waiting for Hidan to leave her, and even now, she could hear one coming closer. A monster. It was going to eat her. Monsters were scary.

"Sakura!"

She spun around, her eyes meeting one visible eye, and she blinked. No, what was he doing here? So far from Konoha, was he on a mission? "Kakashi senpai?" she asked softly, tilting her head to the side.

There were no monsters near him, she noticed vaguely. They must be scared of her former teacher.

"Sakura, why did you attack Sai and Yamato?" he asked, looking worried. He stepped forward and placed a hand on her head, looking in first one eye and then the other. "Are you okay? Did someone force you to do it?"

She shook her head. "No one forced me, Kakashi senpai," she answered. "They wanted to hurt Hidan. I couldn't let them do that."

"Hidan, huh?" he asked, smiling at her.

She could always tell when Kakashi senpai was smiling, because his eyes would light up and crinkle. No one else knew, but she did. "Yes, Hidan. He's a prick, and he's kinda mean." She shrugged, smiling back up at her former teacher.

"But?" he prompted, urging her forward, back toward her camp.

"But he keeps the monsters away, so I deal with him. Plus, we have a plan."

He frowned slightly, shoving up his headband to scratch his hairline. "What sort of plan?" he asked as they came within sight of the camp again.

"A plan… I can't tell you about it, though," she said, stepping away from him. "You hafta go, Kakashi senpai. Hidan won't like you at all." She smiled, happy that he'd saved her from that nasty monster, but Hidan might not help her if he thought she might betray him.

Kakashi frowned. "I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone with a murderer, Sakura," he pointed out worriedly.

She bit her lip to keep from giggling. Was Kakashi always this funny? "Well, he may be a murderer, but... He can't hurt me! Besides, I can't go back to Konoha, not that I'd want to." She backed up into view of Hidan, though she knew her old sensei couldn't see him yet. A glance assured her that he was watching her and the rocks in front of her closely. She relaxed slightly, relieved that he knew to be quiet.

-X-

Hidan was beginning to wonder where Sakura had gone when he suddenly heard a male voice saying something not far from him. The Jashinist went silent, straining his ears to hear what it was that the man was saying to Sakura. It was obvious he was talking to her, since he could feel both of their chakra signatures in the same area.

"-of plan?" the voice asked, curious, cautious. Whoever it was was taking advantage of Sakura's insanity to get her to tell them something.

There was the tell tale sound of Sakura's light, mentally ill, childish giggle, then her voice sounded slightly teasing, wondering, afraid. "A plan..." She trailed off, as if thinking of something else, or catching onto his plan for more information, and changed what she was going to say. "I can't tell you about it, though," she said in an apologetic tone, devious.

Hidan couldn't help but feel proud that she'd listened to him when he'd told her not to push it again like she had with those Shinobi.

The roesette kunoichi continued, oblivious of his mental commentary. "You hafta go, Kakashi senpai," she murmured, barely loud enough for Hidan to hear, but that name made him freeze. Shit. It was Sharringan Kakashi? Fuck. Hidan hoped she was strong enough to keep him at bay if it came to a fight. "Hidan won't like you at all." Damn right! This guy was bad news! While he couldn't kill Hidan, he could kill Sakura, or knock her out and take her away. For some reason, the thought made him uneasy, but he decided it was because then he'd have to start all over again.

The other voice answered, a faint sigh to his words, though they sounded falsely worried. "I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone with a murderer, Sakura." So the bastard knew who he was? Good. Maybe he could work with this, if she wasn't too insane to pick up a que from him.

When Sakura answered, stepping backwards into view, her voice was light with suppressed laughter. "Well, he may be a murderer, but..." She shrugged, grinning and glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. Seeing him there, she relaxed, though her words didn't stop and she continued on. Her feet halted to keep Kakashi from seeing Hidan, and he was glad. That was essential to his plan.

"He can't hurt me!" she continued, shifting her weight. If he hadn't been looking for signs of nervousness, Hidan wouldn't have seen her scratching the back of her neck, dislodging a senbon from it's place in her hair and letting it drop down her sleeve when she lowered her arm. "Besides," she pointed out to the other man, "I can't go back to Konoha, not that I'd want to. They'd just throw me in jail or call me crazy and do horrible stuff to Hidan."

"You wouldn't want that, would you, Sakura?" Kakashi asked, his voice vaguely calculating.

Hidan bit back a growl. Like hell he'd let that Jashin damned bastard manipulate his- Sakura! Though, if he kept thinking strange things like 'his woman', he might just have to get rid of her soon anyway. Instead, Hidan rolled onto his back and rolled out of view, between some rocks, deciding he'd just get rid of her now. May as well, since it didn't seem that Kakashi was going to leave without her.

Sakura swallowed at his action, knowing what she'd have to do. "You know what!" she chirped to Kakashi, suddenly walking forward and grabbing his arm. "I miss everybody! Let's go home now, I wanna see Neji!" She grinned back at him, starting to skip.

"What about Hidan?" Kakashi asked suspiciously.

She shrugged, smiling more, and looked ahead again. "He went for food, but he doesn't care about me, so he won't care that I don't come back."

Kakashi, having the sneaking suspicion that he wouldn't get much more out of her himself, decided he'd let Ibiki deal with her instead.

-

**Well! Whaddya think?! R&R! And don't just fave, people! REVIEWS ARE LIFE-GIVING!!! XD**


	4. The Last Living Member

**Here's the next chapter! I hope you like it!**

**Jashin's Angel**

**The Last Living Member**

**Chapter 3**

-

"Sakura, tell me something," Ibiki said, crouching down in front of the roesette woman. "C'mon, don't make me keep this up." His brow furrowed at her panting form and he motioned Teinumaru forward to give her a drink of water. "You shouldn't have to go through this in your state, so if you'd just tell me-"

"Monster!" she howled, sinking her teeth into Teinumaru's wrist before he was able to pull his arm away, unable to use her arms because they were strapped to her chair. She drew blood as he yanked away from her, howling in despair and anger and fear... A shudder attacked Ibiki, going up his spine at the unnatural, animal keening.

"Sakura!" he shouted, causing her to whimper and go silent, folding in on herself. "Please! Just give us something to work with."

She let out a strange, not-quite-rhythmic sound, and as it rose in volume, he realized, to his horror, that it was laughter. She squirmed in her chair, throwing her head back against the wood, cackling hysterically. Her eyes stared up at the ceiling, wide. She gasped in breaths to fuel her laughter, shuddering from head to foot. Both Teinumaru and Ibiki shuddered and leaned away from her as her gasping laughter soon turned into hiccuping giggles.

Her eyes lowered from the wood above her and she met Ibiki's gaze, grin stretching wide. "Monster!" she srieked, before disolving into giggles once more.

Ibiki swallowed and reached out, knocking her in the head. She slumped, unconscious, and he swallowed, stepping away. "I have to report to Tsunade-sama," he muttered, sighing. "Make sure she's locked in a cell."

-X-

Hidan sighed. There was this spot right behind his ear that was driving him crazy. It itched. He wanted to scratch it, but he had no arms to do it with. "Jashin dammit," he grumbled.

"Hidan?" a familiar voice asked, and none other than Hoshigaki Kisame stepped into view, looking surprised to find him. At least, in less than a hundred pieces, that is. "Wow, did you do that by yourself?" he asked, smirking.

"Of course not, you blue idiot! Now scratch behind my left ear, it itches!" he ordered.

Chuckling, Kisame crouched in front of him and reached behind his ear, ridding him of that particular nuisance. He then leaned forward, face inches from the Jashinist's. "Who's helping you, then?" he demanded, eyeing the rest of the small camp clearly made for two.

"Gone," Hidan muttered with a disappointed sigh, catching the shark-man's attention again. "Her village found her and took her back. I'm lucky she didn't give me away..."

"That's loyalty, Hidan," Kisame pointed out, making himself at home as he riffled through Sakura's things. "Who was she?"

Hidan shrugged, very happy that he was finally able to do so. "Just a nobody. Simply a pawn to get my body back."

Kisame didn't appear to believe him, sticking his nose up into the air and sniffing about. His eyes widened, then glanced at Hidan deviously. "Now _there's_ a scent I haven't smelled in ages. How'd you get 'er ta abandon her village?"

Hidan glared at the stupid shark, annoyed with his sense of smell. "I didn't. I called her after she already had," he retorted.

Kisame tucked this little tidbit of information away with a nod. "I see." His gaze traveled over the camp site once more. "Huh. So, her village got their hands on 'er, huh? Interesting. Such a shame, too... We could use the entertainment."

The Jashinist narrowed his eyes at the shark. "Didn't you die?" he asked suspiciously.

"That's the story," Kisame answered simply, before returning to what he'd been saying, not about to be distracted like Itachi used to do. "Plus, as I'm going to hazard a guess and say you plan on resurrecting Akatsuki, we could use the fill-in."

"Fill in?" Hidan asked, frowning at him.

"Yeah, Itachi wouldn't want to come back. Especially after he hears about his brother." He shuddered. "That man is scary about his kid brother."

Hidan could sympathize. "But still... He's one of Akatsuki's strongest. I'll _have_ to bring him back. And now that Konoha's killed Uchiha Sasuke, he'll want to destroy them. Something else to drive him."

Kisame appeared to think about this for a moment before shrugging. "Well, maybe if you bring him back, and we get her, they'll have something in common."

The Jashinist was beginning to think that Itachi had rubbed off on the shark. He hadn't said anything about Sakura wanting revenge. "Alright, then," he agreed after a moment's silence. "What do you suggest we do?"

Kisame smirked, knowing he'd won. "Well... First we'll have to finish getting your body. In fact, I've found your ass..."

-X-

Sakura whimpered when light abruptly met her darkness-adjusted sight. She clenched her eyes shut and sat up with a gasp when cold water was thrown over her. Her eyes shot open again and she began to shiver. Upon seeing Ibiki, she whimpered again and curled up into the back corner of her cot, closing her eyes again.

Ibiki sighed. "Time for today's interrogation, Sakura." He grabbed her arm roughly and snatched her up off her cot, ignoring her howling about 'monsters'.

She was escorted to the interrogation room, where she collapsed into the chair, curled up on herself, and didn't budge. Ibiki sighed, motioning for Teinumaru to fasten her to the chair. The old ninja glanced disapprovingly at today's guest, whom Sakura didn't seem to have noticed, and the Hokage nodded for him to begin, face a medic's mask.

He decided to start with electricity.

x

Three hours later, Sakura was forced to deal with the electricity again. Her back arched, eyes wide, as the rod Ibiki was using touched her bare shoulder again. He pulled it away for this round of questions.

"What's your name?"

"S-Sakura," she gasped, allowing the other man - what was his name? She couldn't remember ever seeing him before - drizzle water down her throat.

"Surname?"

"Haruno."

"Age?"

"Twenty three."

"Where have you been?"

She coughed, and felt the hysterics begin to bubble up in her chest. It was just as well, they usually stopped not long after the hysterics started. "Running from the monsters, like you," she growled, biting her tongue to keep from laughing.

He showed no sign that he had ever heard the insult. "Who have you been with?"

She lurched forward in the chair, meeting his eyes, and snarled. "I SAID ALREADY!!! THE MONSTERS, YOU IDIOT!!!" she screamed at him, spittle flying.

He calmly wiped some from his eyebrow, glancing over her shoulder. He sighed. "Who have you been with, Haruno? A person, a name, not the monsters."

She sneered. "Why don't you ask senpai?" she asked, her voice syrupy sweet.

x

Ibiki didn't so much as flinch, eyes hardening. This was the most they'd gotten out of her in the past week. It would appear that she was more lucid than usual, and he wondered if it was because of the electricity. Maybe it had knocked some sense into her. "I want _you_ to answer, Haruno."

"Go fuck yourself."

He motioned to Teinumaru, and she screamed obscenities when the electricity was applied again. Before his companion had even pulled the rod away, she fell into hysterics, laughing as if she found something particularly funny. The laughter soon left her breathless, and it turned into hiccuping giggles not long after that. Closing his eyes, Ibiki nodded to the Hokage.

Tsunade stepped forward, her hands glowing blue with chakra as she touched Sakura's head. The girl's laughter cut off instantly, and she tipped her head back to grin up at her old teacher. "Shisho! Guess what!"

Tsunade blinked, not having expected this. "What?" she asked after a quick glance at Ibiki.

Sakura giggled. "Ibiki's an asshole and he's going to rot in Hell!" She grinned up at Tsunade and abruptly changed the subject. "I can't tell you, though, Shisho!"

Tsunade circled around the chair and crouched down in front of Sakura, reaching up and brushing her pink hair behind her ear. "Why not?" she asked, frowning at her old student. "I'm your teacher, aren't I?"

Something changed in Sakura's gaze, and the smile left her face, only to reappear. Now, though, it was cruel and merciless as she met and held the Hokage's gaze. "Because you ordered Sasuke-kun's death, Shisho," she said, her voice lowering several octives. The grin instantly brightened. "And for that, I'll kill you!" With that, she burst into hysterical laughter, and Tsunade stood stiffly.

"That's enough for today," she ordered, and Ibiki nodded, knowing how much it hurt to see Sakura like this.

-X-

Kisame smirked at Hidan as he attached the last of his fingers. A month had gone by since they'd teamed up, and a week had passed before that since Hidan had lost Sakura. The Jashinist returned the grin, flexing his fingers.

"Now, by Jashin, it's time to kidnap Sakura back," Hidan declared, and they darted in the direction of Konoha.

-

**Gods, do you know how hard Kisame is to write? Seriously. He's just so... He's just hard, that's it, though I suppose it's better than the drama queen that is Orochimaru. Just Enough's declaration, not mine. You should go over and read their story 'Way of the Wind', if you like ItaSaku.... As an advanced warning, the next chapter will be longer than all the ones I've written thus far.**


	5. Rescue

**A few things first, though... I will **_**not**_** be doing fanservice. Like, at all. I hope this doesn't discourage you from reading, but if it does... I'm sorry to hear that, but please have a nice day. I do not mean to be rude, but I have this story completely figured out, and I will not change any of that. At all.**

**Also! I love fanart. XD *hint hint* Good or bad, I don't care, but this appears to be a very popular story, so... *waits patiently* XD**

**And last but not least, for anyone who's interested in an ACT (Anime Character Tournament), PM me! I'll explain in detail then, but suffice it to say that it's very similar to an OCT (original character tournament). To learn more without listening to my pointless rambling, go to http : // thedarkmassacre . deviant art . com And look through the journals. Thanks!**

**Also, someone complained after the last chapter about Sakura's use of 'senpai' when referring to Kakashi. Yes, I **_**know**_** she still called him 'sensei'. I **_**have**_** seen a good portion of Shippuuden. There is a good reason, so don't get all irritated. You see, Sakura's... well, in case you didn't notice, she's kinda... **_**nuts**_**. She doesn't think straight, and somehow, in the depths of her twisted mind (something I'd really rather not contemplate for fear of losing my own sanity) decided it was a good idea to call him senpai. End of story. Okay, so it wasn't all that good of a reason, but I like it and it's staying. Other than that, I'm glad everyone's enjoying this! XD**

**And no one forget this: Sakura's crazy, not retarded.**

**Random disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue- "Oooh, popcorn!"**

**Now, without further ado...**

**Jashin's Angel**

**Rescue**

**Chapter 4**

-

Sakura's cries of pain and fear echoed into the midnight darkness, though only one person ever heard them. He squeezed his eyes shut, wishing the Kyuubi didn't enhance his hearing. That would make things so much more easy. But no, instead he had to listen, feeling as if he should do something. He couldn't though. He would never be allowed to so much as talk to her. She was a traitor, after all, wasn't she? Sakura was a traitor, but the blond couldn't help but wonder if they, as Sasuke's killers, had driven her to it. They'd killed her only love, her only tie to sanity, especially after Orochimaru had killed her parents and... and... Right in front of Naruto and Sasuke...

She hadn't deserved that. He'd done that to punish Sasuke for deserting him... So was it Sasuke's fault too? Had he started it? Or was it the fault of Tsunade-baasan for refusing to join Orochimaru and ending it all there? Or maybe Uchiha Itachi before then, for never letting Orochimaru get his hands on his body?

Or maybe, just maybe, it was Naruto's fault. Because he was born, everyone around him started to hurt. In one form or another, they were wounded, and he was powerless to stop it. So then, after the placing of blame was done, maybe it was his fault after all. Probably.

The holder of the Kyuubi swallowed thickly and blinked several times, overcome with the urge to be furious, to cry, to shout, to scream, to demand. Demand what...? Demand what. He shook his head. Demand that someone save her. Someone should be her knight-in-shining-armor.

xXx

"Seriously, was that supposed to be a barrier?" Kisame asked, snorting disdainfully as they easily avoided the trap. He twisted his body and ducked under a trip wire set in the tree-tops for ninja.

Hidan chuckled. "I'm not sure... Konoha's gotten lax, haven't they?" he mused, flipping over the same wire, purely to show off. At Kisame's glare, he grinned. That man was too easy to egg on, he realized. No wonder Itachi liked him as his partner; it was a great stress reliever.

"Well, it's been six and half years... Maybe they thought they were invincible?" the shark man suggested, grinning again. He paused by a tree and glared down at a clearing with several ninja, obviously look-outs.

The Jashinist rolled his eyes and answered, distracting his partner from his half-baked plan of slaughter and urging him onward. "Perhaps, if that's the case, we should prove them wrong, huh?" He decided he would let Kisame slaughter on the way out. It was only fair, after all.

"Oh, hell yeah," Kisame agreed.

Together, they darted forward, into the darkness.

xXx

Sakura sank down onto the cot in her cell after they'd brought her back, listening to the door as it clanged shut. Hidan better get her revenge for her. She wouldn't last one more night. Her heart would give out, her inner medic noted. Even if they kept healing her and healing her, her heart would give out if they didn't stop. They could only do so much to keep her alive before the will to live simply evaporated, and she found that she didn't really mind dying. Dying would mean escaping.

She sat up, gleeful with this realization. "The monster's'll be gone! Then I can see Sasuke-kun again!" she cheered happily, giggling slightly. It all made sense! With death, she'd be able to see her beloved, even if Hidan couldn't bring him back! Yes! It was the perfect plan, and then she could-

"Do you want to die, just like that?" a sad voice asked, interrupting her not-so-much internal plotting.

Her heart sped up frantically and she turned, eyes widening as she came face to face with that awful fox demon. He stared at her placidly, the bars the only thing separating them, and lifted a paw to scratch the side of his face. She closed her eyes and shook her head, opening them again only for the fox to fade, becoming simply something that loomed over and around her old friend Naruto. "Naruto!" she cried, half relieved. The other half of her wished she'd had her gloves so that she could choke him to death.

He smiled slightly, though it was full of sadness. "Hey, Sakura-chan. I only have a few minutes. How are you holding up?" He looked about to reach out to her, but thought better of it, his half raised hand dropping to hang by his side once more, useless.

"Not well, actually!" she chirped, as if that were really a good thing rather than bad. "I'll get to see Sasuke-kun again soon!" Her voice lowered and she whispered, knowing he'd hear it. "My heart'll give up by tomorrow if they keep this up. I can't physically take much more. Don't tell anyone though, okay? I _want_ to die." She grinned widely and rose her voice, as if to fool any eavesdroppers. "My only regret is that I won't be able to watch Hidan take my revenge! Oh, Naruto! I wish it could be _me_ that cut out your heart and fed it to that whore girlfriend of yours." She giggled, watching horror cross her old friend's face. Oh, boy! What an interesting emotion for her old friend to wear! Maybe she could just-

"Why can't it be you?" a voice asked, interrupting her thoughts, and the shadows shuddered. Hoshigaki Kisame stepped into the sparse light provided from the hallway, grinning in a very shark-like manner, pun very much intended. "I'm here for you, Sakura," he added smugly, as if that weren't already very obvious. One hand idly reached up to brush his light blue hair over his shoulders before he crossed his arms.

He'd actually grown it out, she noted dazedly. Kisame looked nice with long hair; it went down a little past the line of his shoulders, almost touching his collar-bone if he let it hang in the front, and she wondered why he'd let it grow so long.

She blinked and shook her head, knocking herself out of her non-lucid thoughts as surprise steeled over her finally, pausing long enough to wonder if Hidan had sent him. It had been so long since she'd seen Hidan, and she suddenly felt herself wanting to see him again, to touch him. To hear his bitter, sarcastic remarks, though she couldn't fathom why. He was just Hidan, right? Hidan the Jashinist, he who worshiped a god of evil and killed suspicious travelers with young girls - and the young girls - just for the hell of it. She found, curiously enough, that she rather missed his bitchy attitude.

She wondered if his hair was soft...

Naruto stepped in Kisame's way, attempting to keep the much larger man from getting to the door of the cell, vainly. "Stay back, Kisame," he growled, a hand reaching for his kunai as the other began to form the rasengan without the need for another clone for once. However, he wasn't quite fast enough, and the shark knocked his knuckle into the boy's temple, watching as he crumbled. He smirked and glanced at Sakura, only to see her peeking down through the bars at the blond.

"Did you kill 'im?" she asked curiously, not appearing to care either way.

"Nope," Kisame answered, smirking knowingly at her.

"Good." She pointed to the table across from them, where her gloves rested. "Give me those, won't you?" she requested, frowning slightly in thought.

Curious, he complied, handing them over and watching as she pulled them on. He wondered what they were for, but quickly found his question being answered as she pulled her fist back and knocked the door off it's hinges. Loudly. He choked on a breath, deciding in that instant not to piss her off. It probably wouldn't be good for his health, at any rate. "Um... Let's... go, before they find us."

She beamed at him, only too happy to agree. "Okay!" she chirped happily, reminding him of a rather well-endowed puppy. "Hey! I was thinking about your hair..."

xXx

Hidan slipped into the office of the Hokage, looking for a specific file. They were bound to have files on where the ninja lived through out the village, and that Nara kid needed to be taught not to mess with a Jashinist. Ever. The blond stepped over and tugged on one of the drawers of the desk, unsurprised to find it locked. He sighed in annoyance. "Jashin, this is such a bother," he grumbled irritably.

"Sorry to inconvenience you," a cool feminine voice drawled, "But we don't like thieves."

He smirked, musing that it was about to get better, and turned to see none other than the Hokage herself. Wow, what a surprise. "Why, it's certainly interesting to finally meet Sakura's former teacher. She talks about you all the time, you know."

The woman frowned. "Talks about me, huh? Like what?"

_Bitch. Probably thinks I'm monologuing... Okay, I am, but only a little bit._ He chuckled. "Oh, she was going on about known torture devices the last time I talked to her. Wondered how much it would take to brake you and make you scream for mercy."

The woman snarled, fists clenching at her sides, and swung her fist. Hidan, thankfully, paid attention to Sakura's little spurts of temper and dodged, watching as she toppled a wall. So easy. Now he even had an escape route. "Temper, temper," he teased, chuckling. "Jashin, what a temper."

"You're troublesome," a new, more familiar voice murmured, and Hidan swore when he was trapped in that Jashin damned shadow jutsu. Shikamaru was unruffled at his growl of annoyance. "Do I have to cut you up again? Uhg... I wonder if it would work to burn everything but your heart and brain. You'd still be alive, but unable to reform."

"Won't work," Hidan grunted, twitching all over in his effort to get free from that damned jutsu. "All I'd need is a female sacrifice, and I could rebuild my body completely." There, that should keep them from burning him. With a great amount of chakra, Hidan managed to jerk himself free of the younger man's jutsu. Before he could counter, the Jashinist darted forward, plunging a kunai into the bastard's neck. "Fuck you!" he snarled. "Little bitch!" He dodged the Hokage's enraged blow and did a back flip into the darkened night, through the hole the Hokage had created earlier.

Time to meet up with his comrades.

xXx

When they left Fire Country and entered Earth Country three days later, Kisame was beginning to wonder if that damn Hidan had even gotten out of Konoha. "Stupid Jashinist bastard," he grumbled.

"Hidan?" Sakura asked, perking beside him. Her motions to make a campfire for the night paused, a smile crossing her face. "Where? Is he nearby?" She scanned their surroundings as if she expected him to pop up and say 'surprise!' but to no avail. Hidan was nowhere in sight.

"No, idiot," he retorted, rolling his eyes and poking a stick into the newly created fire, satisfied when it caught. "I was just wonderin' what's taking the bastard."

"Oh... Hey, Kisa-kun?"

He twitched. Yeah, that was another strange quirk of her's. No matter how many times he told her _not_ to, she still insisted on calling him 'Kisa-kun'. It was really fucking strange. Wasn't she supposed to be... Oh... more _dignified_ than that? Sure, Hidan had said something about her being insane and 'ripe for the picking of his wonderful religion', but... damn, this was just _weird_. "Kisame. And what the hell d'you want, woman?"

She hemmed and hawed for a few moments, poking childishly at the fire, a shy, hesitant smile on her face. Finally she looked up at him, batting her eyelashes - _oh, no, here it comes_ - and opened her mouth to speak. "Why'd you... um, well... rescue me?" When he gave her an incredulous look, she quickly continued, poking the fire a bit more nervously. "I mean, I'm sure Hidan has his weird, evil god-related reasons, but why did _you_? The few times we've met, we either fought, or I tried to turn you into shark-pulp."

Okay, so she had a pretty good point. Why did he? "I dunno... It was a plan, I guess," he replied, slumping a little. "Hidan and I... We're the only ones left, you know? And when he said that you'd been kidnapped... I guess it was something to do. Not everyone's got insanity to keep them company." She grinned in answer, but let him go on. "On the way, Hidan was saying things about resurrecting Akatsuki. Of course, I don't know if he'll be able to do it... He said he only really laid claim to four of them, so we'll have to make up for the rest." He shrugged, suddenly uncomfortable under her unwavering, interested gaze. "I dunno how...." He sighed and leaned back against the tree behind him. "One thing at a time... So not Itachi's way."

She was quiet for several long moments, thoughtful. "So... Only four, huh? It's worse then he let on..." she murmured, closing her eyes and seeming almost sane for once. It wasn't hard to imagine her as the old Sakura when those crazy emerald eyes were shut. Then you could pretend the madness wasn't there. "Who were those four?" she asked, breaking him from his musing and once again opening her eyes.

He paused, trying to remember the ones Hidan mentioned. "Uh... Well, Kakuzu, I think. Said he seemed useful or some other bullshit like that... And then... not Pein, I know that. He hated him. I think there was Zetsu..." When no other names came to him, he shrugged and sighed again. "I don't remember the others. Itachi may have been one of them, but I don't remember."

She nodded. "Okay. I guess if Hidan's not back in the morning, though, we'll have to go looking for him."

The sudden change of subject - and irrationally at that, but who said the insane needed to be rational? - had Kisame's head spinning, but he managed a dazed nod. "Uh, right...." Then he realized what she said. "Wait, what?"

Instead of answering, she only smiled brightly and curled up in her borrow (read: stolen from Konoha) sleeping bag. He stared at her incredulously for sever moments before huffing and poking at the fire, only to jump when she said one last thing. "You got first watch; wake me up at midnight."

Damn crazy people. He was surrounded by them, he swore.

-

**Aaannnddd... That's it for this chapter. Sorry for any mistakes. I rewrote this after deciding the first version kinda sucked (and jumped around way too much). It's a little short in comparison to the others, but some chapters need to be. I know I said it'd be long... But it didn't work out that way. I hope I'm able to do that with the next one, though! Hope you liked it; R&R! Don't just fave/alert!**


	6. It's Not So Bad

**This... Is a filler chapter. I know, I know... You were hoping for more action. But it's a filler chapter. There will be several small scenes and lots of funny stuff, but before I get into the next 'arc' of the story, I need this to bridge the gap. Thanks for waiting on me so long.**

**Jashin's Angel**

**It's Not So Bad**

**Chapter 5**

-

"I said... stand... STILL!" Kisame shouted, bringing Samehada down on the rock Sakura was standing on.

Nimbly, she flipped backward and disappeared into the surrounding forest, cackling like a mad woman (of course, this is ignoring that she is, in fact, actually a mad woman). Abruptly, her cackling broke off into a squeal and then a shout to be put down. Frowning, Kisame swung his sword up onto his shoulder and waited as Sakura reappeared, being carried by Hidan ("Put me down, you useless man! I swear to the Gods I'll squash you like a bug!" "Ha! You still can't kill me!" "That doesn't mean it won't hurt, bastard! Now put. Me. DOWN!!" _Slam! Crash! Crrrraaacckkk! Crash!_ "You hit me with a TREE!!" "Ha ha! Serves you right, blondie!") before Sakura got away and walked over to the shark man, dusting her arms off.

The blue-haired man gave her a blank look. "I thought you wanted to _find_ him," he said, trying to decide if he should be amused or not. The words _was that really necessary?_ were pointless seeing as Sakura was crazy and usually did unnecessary things.

She beamed sweetly at him, making him edge away. "Of course!" which answered both the spoken and unspoken questions. ("Can you gimme a hand over here? I'm stuck!" "Screw you, Hidan! I'm pissed at you!" "What for?!" "You're LATE!") She smiled again at Kisame. "Let's bury him! I always wanted to bury someone..."

And thus went their reunion.

-

Of course, Sakura claimed to blame Hidan for everything...

"You moron! Must you fuck up everything! I nearly die because of you, and now look what's happened!" she shouted, pointing at her muddy clothes sitting on the river bank.

Hidan looked unsure whether to try and kiss her or try and strangle her. Deciding he didn't want to be _torn_ limb from limb this time (for with either choice, this would doubtless be the case), he scowled and grabbed her soiled clothing, starting toward a dry portion of the riverbank, muttering under his breath.

"I am NOT a whore!" she shouted, then added, "OR your mother!"

Kisame wasn't present for this, but had to deal with Hidan's complaining later on while they shopped for new clothing for her...

-

"This tastes like crap."

_Crash!_ "Say that again," Sakura dared him.

Hidan, however, could not answer. Not because he'd lost his tongue or anything equally gruesome. No. His head was stuck in the ground, face first where Sakura had put it. "Mmnf!"

-

"I forgot how much fun having hands could be."

"Mm... Yeah..." Sakura melted.

Kisame sighed.

"Pervert! This is a massage, not a groping session!" _Crack!_ "... Oops..."

"I think that was his skull..."

-

Kisame pulled the two apart physically before elbowing Hidan aside and rapping Sakura smartly on the side of her head. "Ow-!" she yelped, then pouted up at him childishly. He ignored it and did the same to Hidan ("Ow!" "Heh." "Shut up.")

"Are you guys children or somethin'?" Kisame demanded, gaining their attention. Sakura was then distracted by a lady bug and he gave up. "Oh, whatever..." He was no peace keeper.

-

Sakura split the ground just as Kisame and Hidan leapt upwards, landing in separate trees. Their enemies - a group of Cloud nin on patrol - stumbled around, some losing their balance and falling into the seemingly bottomless chasm she'd opened up and some regaining their footing. It was these that Hidan and Kisame attacked, either shoving them into the chasm or killing them out right. As soon as the last guy fell, Sakura punched the ground again in a way that mostly closed the split from before.

She shared evil grins with her companions as there were a few screams from people trying to climb back up. Hidan straightened from his semi-defensive stance and smirked at her. "You. Are. Evil," he said, eyeing her appreciatively. It must have been the blood.

Sakura grinned back. "I know," she chirped before clapping her hands excitedly. "Let's go! I'm kinda hungry... How 'bout steak?"

Kisame rolled his eyes. It was apparently a match made in Heaven. Or hell, as the case may be.

-

"It's... mine!" Sakura growled, pulling with most of her might.

"No!" Hidan shouted, actually pulling with all of his might. "It's MINE!!"

"Give it!"

"Screw yourself!"

"Mine!"

"No, mine!"

"Faggot!"

"Loon!"

"Blondie!"

"Bitch!"

Kisame walked off and took his shower first, leaving them to fight over the towel.

-

The rain fell heavily, trapping people inside their homes, establishments or where ever else they were when darkness fell. A trio sat on a bench under the over hang of a shop window. This trio would have been ordinary, if they didn't look so strange as to be completely extraordinary. After all, whereas the populace of the town had darker hair, these three didn't. One was blond, one had pink hair and the third was blue. And not just his hair, but his entire body.

He also appeared to have gills.

"You stick out like a sore thumb," the pink haired one said. She wasn't as tall as the two males she was with, but they both, for some reason, appeared to offer her more than a little nervous respect, though the casual observer would have no idea why. Of course, the casual observer didn't know that she could break every bone in their bodies with her fist and one punch.

But I digress.

Of course, both men looked at her when she announced this, but it was the blue one who sighed when he realized she was looking up at him. "Tell me about it," he muttered.

"Like... A really, really sore thumb," she continued, expounding on how bad he stuck out. "With blood and pus and bruising and broken bone because someone slammed it repeatedly in the door." Well, he had told her to tell him about it.

He glared at her at this. "I know."

Silence.

And more silence.

They looked away from eachother, followed by still more silence, with a heaping helping of silence for desert.

And then, fifteen minutes later, as the rain continued to pour... The trio sighed in tandem.

-

Sakura poked at the fire listlessly, more bored than anything else. Letting out a sigh, she looked up at her two whispering companions. If she closed her eyes and just listened to the whispers, she could almost imagine it was Sasuke and Naruto.

Her eyes slid shut, remembering one particular conversation on a night much like this...

_"Sasuke-teme! Give it back! Mine~!" Naruto complained, trying to yank the cup of ramen away from Sasuke, who was smirking at him._

_"Oh, shut up, dobe."_

_Kakashi was up in a tree, reading his dirty book and ignoring them, so Sakura took it upon herself to start tuttering at them. "You two shouldn't fight! And stop being so annoying, Naruto!" she said, watching as Sasuke smacked the blond._

_"Shut up," they chorused and continued fighting over Naruto's cup of ramen until it tore apart with the strain and dried noodles and dried vegetables went everywhere. Naruto tackled Sasuke and tried to strangle him, at which point, Kakashi-sensei got in between them and dumped them both in the lake._

"Sakura?"

She started and opened her eyes, finding that both Hidan and Kisame were staring at her from across the fire, the latter frowning slightly. Hidan didn't appear to care, though. Not that she minded that bit. Smiling brightly, she asked the question she knew was on all of their minds since they'd left Konoha ten days ago and then met up again four days after that. "So... What's next?"

-

**I hope you guys like this. I wrote it just for you. Special thanks goes to anyone who reads this and was there keeping me company while I wrote it. Thanks a bunch! R&R! Don't just fave/alert!**


	7. Rituals and Newbies

**Thanks for all the awesome reviews! I'm so happy you guys liked the last chapter! Here's the next one!**

**Jashin's Angel**

**Rituals and Newbies**

**Chapter 6**

-

"I know that you said you wanted to be alone for this," Sakura began, frowning in thought and tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear. "But..."

Hidan paused in whatever it was he was doing to the rock - painting it or something, she assumed from the ink beside him and the brush in his hand - and looked back at her. He frowned, thought it over, and sighed. "You can stay. It'd probably be better anyway, since you can protect me while I'm unconscious..." Though the last was spoken mostly to himself, his voice was just loud enough for her to catch.

Her head snapped up from where she'd been contemplating the ground, eyes widening in shock as she took a step forward. But she froze and stared when he growled softly. He'd tensed as soon as she came near, teeth glinting as he bared them, and Sakura had half a mind to knock him upside the head. But something stopped her. For the first time while in his presence, she could sense the monsters growing closer...

"Don't come any closer than that, Haruno," he snapped, defensive. When she nodded, he relaxed slightly and turned back to what he was doing. A few strokes of black ink more on the rock and he was standing up from his crouch, swaying on his feet. He nearly fell over but managed to steady himself.

Awed, she watched him make his way - haltingly - toward another rock. When she took a second look at the clearing, she realized that he was surrounded by them, and the rock he was walking toward was the only one not painted with strange, butchered symbols. He allowed himself to drop to his knees exhaustedly before the clean rock and dipped his brush in the inkwell after somehow managing to get the cork back out. Leaning forward, he started to draw the symbols on this one, too.

She wanted to ask him what he was doing - _why would someone who couldn't die be so defensive?_ a voice whispered in the back of her mind - but somehow, she didn't feel as if saying anything would enlighten her. She knew he'd either lie or tell her not to ask.

So, with that point in mind, Sakura crouched at the edge of the rough circle of rocks and watched him, trying to figure it out for herself. Some fifteen minutes later, he finished with the last rock and slowly climbed to his feet. He swayed and when she stood to help him, he shook his head. She stayed outside of the circle.

Finally regaining his equilibrium, Hidan looked up at her, meeting her gaze. "Do ya got the stuff I asked for?" he demanded gruffly.

She nodded and darted away for a second before returning with a bag of items. Things that belonged to Kakuzu, Zetsu, Sasori and Deidara. Apparently, when they talked about it, Kisame had been wrong about Hidan having claimed Itachi, but oh well. She wasn't so disappointed.

Pulling them out one-by-one, she listed them off. "Zetsu's brush - used by both sides of him, apparently - with hair still in it. Here's Kakuzu's favorite tea cup - dude, does this guy _ever_ spend money?" He snorted and didn't bother answering her rhetorical question. She continued, setting the ancient tea cup aside. "Sasori's heart canister - it was really hard to get, so Kisame says you owe him one - and finally, Deidara's clay. We also have his eye-thing, but either works, right?"

"Toss over Sasori's heart canister. That'll be easiest," Hidan said with a weary sigh. "Is Kisame hunting down his body now?" he asked idly as he barely managed to catch the round item when she tossed it to him.

Sakura nodded. "Yeah. Until then, I've got a temporary body over there," she said, motioning toward a lump by the bushes.

Grunting, he moved to the 'center' - roughly - of the circle of painted rocks and sat down, effecting a yoga-like seated position. He set the small canister down in front of him and closed his eyes. "I'm gonna pass out after this, Sakura," he said in warning. "Don't let me sleep longer than twenty four hours, got it?"

She nodded, then remembered that his eyes were closed. "Yeah... You want... You want me to protect you while you're out... right?"

Opening one eye, he gazed at her quietly for a moment. Then he nodded. "Yes, Sakura. Protect me. Do _not_ let anyone injure my body; it could kill me while I'm that vulnerable."

Wide-eyed, she nodded hurriedly and his eye slid closed again. She watched in mixed awe and nervousness as he started breathing deeply, slowly. His hands started to glow with something akin to black light. The light slid along his fingers and down into the canister, vanishing within. And then, with an abrupt swell in his chakra... He fell over backward, dropping Sasori's heart canister with a solid thunk. Noting distantly that the ink on the rocks had seeped into the stone beneath it, she darted to his side.

"Hidan?" she asked nervously, checking for a pulse. When she felt the sluggish _thump, thump_ against her fingers, she slumped in relief. He was okay... But now she could feel the monsters closing in. Looking up, she saw them waiting at the edges of the circle, red eyes glinting and teeth dripping venom...

A sound to her right made Sakura's head swivel, and she watched as the brown-haired puppet they'd gotten - now sporting Sasori's heart canister - started to sit up. As her eyes met the blue eyes of the puppet's, Sakura remembered something important.

She'd killed Sasori, and Kisame was nowhere in sight.

-

Kisame sighed in relief when he was finally able to hunt down Sasori's real body - apparently, the Konoha ninja had just left it where it had been and a merchant stumbled upon it and fixed it up - in a puppet store. The store was located at the edges of Cloud, in a small village with few, but happy, people. Stealing it was irritatingly easy.

However, the dog trouble he got while stealing it was the irritating part. He was still running from the pack of angry, stray dogs that had seen him and thought _ooh! Shark! Lunch!_

"GET AWAY FROM ME!!" he shouted as he crossed the border into Cloud. To accent his shouting, he threw a few kunai behind him. Only one actually hit a dog. "Dammit..."

"Got some new friends there, eh mate?" a voice asked and Kisame looked up to find a farmer's boy running easily beside him. Backwards. A flash of teeth followed his question and Kisame wondered what was wrong with today's youth.

Blue eyebrows furrowing, Kisame glared at the kid. "Yeah. Something like that. Do you need something?"

Laughing merrily, the redhead motioned to one of the dogs. "That one's Nina. She's a beaut, right?"

"Wonderful. If you'll excuse me... I've gotta go." He added chakra to his running, but quickly found that the 'farmer's boy' wasn't exactly what he appeared to be as he managed to keep up. He was still running backwards. "Who are you?" the shark man demanded, even as they left the dogs behind them.

Violet eyes glinted with some measure of amusement, the boy smirked wickedly. "I know who you are, Hoshigaki-san." Oh, great. "There's a price on your head, too." Double great. "I don't want the money."

"What _do_ you want, then?" Kisame demanded, jumping out of his run and landing a few dozen feet away from the other. He let Sasori's body fall to the ground from his back in order to pull Samehada forward and brandish it at his enemy.

Canines glinting - unnaturally long canines, at that - the boy was grinning. "I think you're going to be fun. So I want to hang out with you for a while."

Snorting - this kid was in over his head - Kisame shook his head. "My partners would kill you without you even knowing it, kid."

Shrugging, the redhead smirked. "You think I care? I want a good time; you look like you'll be able to provide it."

"I'm not gonna get you to accept 'no' for an answer, am I?" Kisame asked with a sigh, but didn't lower Samehada.

Grinning cheerfully, the boy shook his head. "Nope!" He effected a mocking bow, arm sweeping around and tucking against his ribcage. "I'm Yanagi Karasu. Nice to meet you, Hoshigaki-san."

Snorting, and deciding he may as well... "Alright, but you're carrying Sasori," he said and lowered his huge sword.

Karasu looked shocked. "Wh-what?" His eyes turned to the puppet. Awed disbelief registered on his face. "I-I'm... huh?"

"Or you can stay behind..."

-

Sakura really hated puppets. They were evil and stuck-up and nasty... Grrr... She dodged a flying kunai - bastard had grabbed Hidan's, though he hadn't really seemed interested in killing the Jashinist, but still - and threw one back in the direction it had come from. They'd been at this for at least three hours. Dodging, fighting, punching, kicking...

"Grr..." She dodged another handful of shurriken.

The only reason she hadn't used her fist yet was because she didn't want to ruin Hidan's work-space- She tossed some kunai at Sasori when he landed beside the blond, and he flipped away, landing on a tree branch across from and below her. However, he quickly ducked into a forward flip off the branch as a very familiar-looking sword crashed down onto and through it.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Kisame yelled, stepping into the significantly larger clearing. Surprisingly, a purple-eyed redhead followed him, but quickly got in between Sakura and Sasori before the two could clash again. His speed was astonishing, not that anyone said anything. They were too busy glaring at each other. "I'm WAITING!" Kisame urged.

Sakura pouted and dropped to the ground, trotting over to his side. "He's in cahoots with the monsters, Kisame!" she informed him. Loudly.

He winced and shot her a glare, then looked at where Sasori stood, watching them suspiciously. "Oi, moron. Thought you were dead for good, eh?" he asked, grinning and leaning a little to the left to see around the redhead.

Sasori, realizing that not all was as it had first appeared when he realized he was in the presence of an enemy, straightened from his defensive crouch, not moving his eyes away from the redhead between him and the other members of Akatsuki. "Explain, Kisame. Don't stand there and waste my time," he ordered, eyes narrowed.

The redhead flashed him a pointy-toothed grin, also straightening from his own stance. Kisame sighed and pushed him out of his way so he could look Sasori in the eyes. "Hidan's bringing a few of the members back from the land of the dead," he said.

Sasori looked from Kisame to Hidan and then to Sakura. "Who are you?" he demanded, looking at the redhead.

The stranger gave a little flourish. "I'm Karasu, but my mates call me Koneko 'cause of my speed," he introduced and grinned again.

Sasori's eyes narrowed, and he decided he didn't like this kid. He was too cheeky. His eyes returned to Kisame. "Start at the beginning."

-

**Short? Yes. But it is the beginning of the next arc. R&R! Don't just fave/alert!**


	8. Kumo Nin and Zombies

**Kudos go to Sunayoko for reviewing within minutes of my posting the last chapter. Here's this chapter.**

**Jashin's Angel**

**Chapter 7**

**Kumo Nin and Zombies**

-

When Hidan came around, he winced at the volume around him. Someone was apparently fighting Sakura over a bowl of particular tasty ramen. He cracked an eye open ("Give it to me, you fag!" "No! Ha! It's mine!" "I _will_ break every bone in your body!" "What the hell're ya talking about, lassy?") and felt a little sorry for the poor sap. He had no idea what he was getting himself into.

A different bowl of the noodles was pushed into his line of sight and he looked up to see Sasori looking down at him. "Eat," the redhead ordered.

Hearing him, Sakura looked up and squeaked when the redhead she was arguing with felt her up. She then sent him through a tree, felling the tree in the process. She started to stomp after him, but Kisame distracted her with the ramen and she scarfed it down. Talk about erratic.

"Do you think this ridiculous plan of your's will actually work?" Sasori asked after Hidan had maneuvered himself to a seated position against a tree. When the Jashinist looked up at him and quirked a questioning brow, mouth full of noodles, he continued. "You really intend to bring Kakuzu, Zetsu _and_ Deidara back from the dead as well?" he demanded, crossing his arms. "I'm surprised it actually worked for me."

Hidan sucked the noodles into his mouth and swallowed without much chewing before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "'Course I do. And it'll work just fine; I've fucking done it before today."

Sasori scoffed and leaned back against the tree behind him. "Look how weak it made you just bringing back my heart. You could die next time." His eyes raised to watch as Sakura stole the still missing redhead's ramen and begin eating that. "As powerful as she is, she's just one woman, and she's crazy now, at that."

Hidan frowned at the redhead. "Half crazy," he corrected. Sakura finished her bowl and starting into the surrounding forest after her still-missing adversary. At Sasori's curious stare, he shrugged. "Remember a while back, I told you about beasts that humans couldn't see?"

"Yes. What about them?"

"She sees them." He eyed the area around them, as if looking for these creatures. "And I don't envy her one bit. These creatures are such that even Jashinists won't wish to use them for their own means. They exist between our world and the world of the Gods, always hunting for vulnerable humans, sensitive to their existence. Those are the humans that they can eat." He shrugged and went back to his ramen.

Sasori shook his head, either not caring or not believing the other man. "Well, regardless. I don't see why you even w_ant_ to bring Akatsuki back."

"Well... I have things I wanna get done, and Akatsuki's the best way to get those things done. They all have their own uses. And besides." Here, the blond smiled almost sweetly at Sasori, making the puppet-man roll his eyes. "We're like one big fucking happy family!"

"... You are an idiot." Hidan made a face at him, mouth full of ramen, and Sasori went on. "I don't see what this gets you, aside from being a complete waste of effort and time. If given the chance, Zetsu or Deidara might kill you, and I know Kakuzu will without a second thought. It's just ridiculous."

Hidan swallowed his food. "Why do you care? Shut up and let me have my fun, you fun sucker."

Sasori would have scowled at Hidan for that one, but since his face was made of wood, he settled for glaring. "You really are an idiot."

"Fun sucker."

"You're wasting my time."

"Fun. Sucker."

"Hidan, you are an idiot."

"Fuuuunnnnn. Sssuuuccckkkeeerrr."

-

Hidan recovered over the next day or so, and as he did, regaining a bit of strength every time he relaxed, Sakura took it upon herself to protect him. Since he'd woken up, though, he and Sasori seemed to be having some sort of argument and refused to talk to each other. Not that this was unordinary for Sasori, who thought it a waste of time to talk to people anyway.

Hidan and Sasori, however, weren't the problem. Karasu was.

"Pervert!" Sakura shouted, swinging a chakra-laden fist at the speedy redhead. Quickly, he darted to the side and swung himself around a tree, throwing his weight to the side when she went after him again. He barely managed to get out of the way as the tree (and about fifty trees behind it) splintered and toppled.

"Tim-berrr!" roared Karasu cheerily. He then dodged another of Sakura's swings.

"Get back here!" she screamed, running after him. Predictably, she didn't go more than fifty feet away from 'camp', and as soon as the monsters started closing in again, she turned and hightailed it back to Hidan's side, an excuse ready. "Hey! I was just coming back to-"

"Good," Kisame said, shoving a handful of scrolls into her arms. "Hidan says he'll be strong enough tonight to do the second resurrection, so we need to prepare for Deidara." He took in a deep breath and shouted. "KONEKO!!! GET OVER HERE!!"

Half a minute later, Karasu flitted into the clearing, skidding to a stop before Kisame. "Yes, Hoshigaki-san?" he asked curiously.

Kisame plucked one of the scolls he'd given Sakura out of the stack and handed it to him. "And remember. A lot of the ramen. Here." He dropped a coin bag made of tanned leather into Karasu's other hand, frowning. "Buy the stuff on the list only; nothing extra. Got it?"

Karasu nodded, did that mocking bow of his, and darted off. "You can count on me!"

"I doubt it," the shark-man muttered, rolling his eyes.

Sakura's head tilted to the side curiously as she watched him making preparations. An extra log 'seat' was dragged into the clearing, and Kisame sat, beginning to carve the bark off of a thin stick to use for cooking Deidara's food on. She sat next to him after checking on Hidan (who was snoring and occasionally muttering about prostitutes). "There's a lot more to prepare for with Deidara-kun, huh?" she asked.

He grunted in agreement, a curl of bark falling under his knife. "Yeah. But then, Deidara eats more. A lot more." He shuddered. "A whole lot more."

She smiled slightly at that. "Naruto ate a lot, too."

He gave her a look. She smiled brightly. Kisame sighed and decided not to bother asking.

-

No sooner had the Jashinist slumped after literally bringing Deidara back to life did Sakura feel both the presence of the horrible monsters and that of nin. Unfamiliar ones. She swallowed and checked Hidan's pulse on automatic, eyes searching the clearing. As she'd known, the silver-haired male was still alive, but if she didn't do something, that might change. Deidara started to stir and she crouched beside him, heart beating rapidly with fear at what she was about to do.

The blond's eyes fluttered open prettily and he simply stared up at her a moment. "Aren't I dead, yeah?" he asked finally.

She nodded. "You were. It's a long story," she muttered and reached down, pulling him up and looking him in the eye, catching the thin trickle of fear in those clear blue eyes. "Keep Hidan safe, no matter what, Deidara," she growled. "If he dies, I swear to the gods, I'll break every bone in your body and then pull them out of you skin... While you're still wearing it. Got it?" He nodded quickly and she released him. "Bye. Tell him I said... Goodbye."

With that, she let the adrenaline override the fear and darted into the night. With a flare of chakra, she felt them start after her, their own chakra vanishing. _Come after me. Don't go for Hidan. Come after me. Come after me. Come after me..._ she chanted in her head, over and over, her teeth gritted as she fled from both the enemy and the terrifying monsters. One reached out to get her; she swerved and flipped over a branch that she would have otherwise ran into.

And still she kept up her silent prayer slash mantra. _Come after me. Come after me. Come after me..._

The only warning she had before the Kumo hunter nin attacked was the soft _thump_ of someone landing on a branch a bit behind her. She dove forward, dropping to the ground, and evaded the following rain of kunai. _I hope they're all here.... Come after me..._

And just like that, as she deemed her distance from Hidan and Deidara great enough, she suddenly spun to face her pursuers, looking death in the face as she was surrounded by eight of them. Flashing a grin, she pulled back her fist and let it fall. "Welcome to Hell!" she screamed gleefully.

Meanwhile, as she'd feared, not all of them went after her, and the much-exhausted Deidara found himself face-down in the dirt with another ANBU stalking toward Hidan to see if he was alive. The blond could only watch helplessly as Hidan was kicked none-too-gently in the side, the wet squelch of bones breaking echoing in the immediate area. Sakura was going to kill him.

And still Hidan didn't stir and the ANBU laughed incredulously. "Hey, Fuji! It's the Jashinist, Hidan! I think we can kill him like this!"

Another ANBU jogged to his comrade's side and whooped. "Yeah! We'll go down in history, my man!"

"Not if I have anything to say about it," a cool voice said from the shadows and for some reason, the first ANBU turned to Fuji, pulling out a kunai.

Fuji tensed. "Kai? Kai, what's going on? What are you- Aaah!" His words died off as the kunai plunged into his chest was removed by a shaking, terrified Kai.

Kai turned to the other ANBU. "Oh, gods... I'm so sorry, oh gods... Oh gods, oh gods, ohgodsohgodsohgods..." he blubbered, obviously crying as he stalked toward his teammates, fighting against the chakra-strings making him move. "Stopstopstopstopstop! Nonononononononono!!!"

Meanwhile, as Kai went to attack the closest ANBU, a large sword swung down on an unsuspecting cluster of three, and only one managed to dodge. Kisame stepped into the light from the moon, grinning at the terrified hunter nin. "Mmm. I think I smell blood," he growled, grinning.

Deidara suddenly felt the hunter nin holding him let go and looked up to find some redhaired guy dropping the deadweight body of his captor before holding a hand out to help him up. He took it, though he was weary. "What the hell is going on, yeah?" he demanded irritably.

"We're being attacked, mate," the redhead said with a smile.

"Why's Danna alive, yeah?"

"Oh, Hidan brought him back too."

"Too?"

"Long story. Oops, duck!"

Deidara obeyed as a large shurriken sailed over his head, only for the redhaired man to catch it cheerfully as if it were nothing more dangerous that a bouncy ball. He then sent it back. "Ooh! Look, Kisame-san! Bullseye!"

The nin he'd thrown it at fell, the shurriken's point plunged into his left iris. Kisame snorted and finally finished off the nin that kept jumping around like a damned rabbit. "Koneko, you're an idiot, you know that? Go help Sakura out, would you? Sasori, you too. Dei and I can finish up here."

Obediantly, Kai was released and Sasori's chakra vanished. Koneko darted in the direction of the sounds of Earthquakes. Deidara felt a headache coming on, but nonetheless scooped up an abandoned kunai and darted forward, cutting Kai's neck and putting the boy out of his misery. Kisame dispatched of the other one quickly enough, and the blond spoke up.

"What the hell's going on, yeah? And why were they able to kill Hidan?"

Kisame blinked at that. "They were?" He knelt down beside the Jashinist and his eyes flew wide. "Holy shit. We need to get him to Sakura, and fast! He's fucking mortal, and now he's dying!"

"MORTAL!!!"

Quite a ways away, Sakura was thrown back against a tree and the five remaining nin stalked forward. She was too exhausted to care. "Sasuke-kun," she whispered. "I can come back, Sasuke-kun..." But where once the idea had sent a thrill through her, now she could only think of what - and who - she was leaving behind. Hidan... "No..." She jerked herself to her feet, fists blazing, though she knew medically that her chakra was nearly deminished. She'd die soon...

"Hey crazy girl!" a voice cried as two very familiar and very welcome nin dropped down between her and her attackers. Koneko continued, as cheerful as ever. "You need to get back to Hidan and the others, ne? Hidan's pretty badly hurt, you know?"

"What? I thought.... I told Dei... to protect him," she gasped, allowing herself to sink to her knees. She watched wearily and warily as Sasori knelt beside her, eyes surveying her form with grim determination. "If he dies..."

The stoic redhead shook his head. "Koneko, take care of this ilk. I'm going to bring Sakura to Hidan, so she can do what she can for him."

Koneko nodded, watching the five nin tense. They were going to stop his friends... "Sorry!" he chirped and grabbed up a stick. "I can't allow you to leave so soon, hunter nin!" With that, he flickered forward and plunged the sharp end of the stick into a nin's chest while delivering a spinning kick to another nin. Luckily, he was just fast enough that the kick left himself open for less than a milisecond and before it crossed the minds of his opponents to exploit that weakness, it was gone.

Sasori fled through the trees with a snoring Sakura on his back. She'd conked out not long after he had her climb up there, but if it helped her, he wouldn't protest to it. He just needed to get her back...

He ran into Deidara halfway back, and the blond looked a little frantic as he abruptly turned and started leading the puppet master back. It must be serious. They dropped into the somewhat remodeled clearing Hidan had used and Sasori jostled Sakura awake. She took one look at Hidan and rolled off of Sasori's back, stumbling to the not-so-immortal's side.

"Hida- Hidan!" she sobbed, healing chakra already on her fingertips as she lay her hands on his chest and sobbed over him. It was only a few minutes later that her chakra fizzled out and she started bawling loudly, sounding like a wounded, anguished animal. "HIDAAAAAAANN!!!"

-

Mmm... Oh, yeah. This was nice. Soft and warm... Just the way he liked it. Too bad he also felt like shit, but... Hey, if it got him next to such a delicious female body, who was he to complain? However, that was when something occurred to him. He lifted one eyelid. Yep. He knew he was dead now.

Sakura was crying over him. They were in some sort of hotel room, alone, and Sakura was crying over him. Her hands had fisted in his shirt and she was half laying on top of him, her tears soaking into his chest. Jashin dammit, did she have to be so damn whiny?

"Oi," he rasped, and she froze. "Stop fucking crying. It's pissing me off," he growled.

She slowly lifted her head and looked up at him. Then she dropped her head once more and started crying all over again. Shit. "Oi. Fucking quit it!" Her sobs only got harder, and the Jashinist was a little uncomfortable. Fuck. "Stop, dammit!"

She shook her head and slipped her arms around his waist, holding onto him like he'd disappear. What the fuck? "Woman, I swear to Jashin, if you don't quit it... Huh?"

Sakura suddenly crawled up on top of him, mindful of his injuries, and kissed him. He tensed at the unexpection action. Holy shit, he was in the fucking twilight zone. But if it worked... Hidan kissed her back, though he was unable to reach up and hold her there; it hurt too damn much.

Her tongue invaded his mouth, and then she pulled away, only to attack his neck and chin and going down his chest... "I think I'm dead," he grumbled, moaning when she flicked her tongue over his-shirt covered nipple. Holy- "Nng... Woman... You're gonna.... Oh, Jashin.."

She sunk her teeth into said nipple, bringing a tiny blossom of pain that only served to make him hornier. "Fuck... Woman, shit... Stop..."

She pulled away obediantly, and he realized that she was _still_ fucking _crying_. Well, if that wasn't a mood-killer... "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Sakura smiled sadly, the tears slowly drawing to a stop as she stared at him. "I wanted to die. We were attacked by hunter nin, and I lead them away from you, and I thought 'if I die, I can go back to Sasuke-kun'..."

"So what? That's what you want, right?"

And she surprised him by shaking her head. "No. I did, but now... I was gonna die, and I thought 'then I'd leave Hidan' and it wasn't even an option..." She bit her lip at his wide-eyed, frozen look. "I wanted to stay. I can't go back to Sasuke-kun now..."

Oh, shit. Oh, hell no. She was not telling him this. Fucking crazy ass girls- well, he was crazy too, but that just meant they were an even worse pair... He didn't know what to say to her, what to tell her. She looked as if she was waiting, and he couldn't possibly... There was no way... Oh, fuck. "No. No, no, no. Get away from me!" he snapped, and no, his voice wasn't five hundred octives higher with panic. "Go! Shoo!" He attempted to scoot away, but neither her nor his body was having it.

"Hidan, stay still. You'll upset your injuries," she ordered, irritatedly pressing down on his chest.

His eyes looked toward the door and a half-baked idea came, so he started screaming. "Help! HELP!!! RAPE!!!" he said as loudly as he possibly fucking could.

Sakura looked pissed, but that was okay, because Kisame stuck his head in the door. "What the hell're you doing to him, Sakura?"

"Raping him," she retorted with a glare. Well, since that was already the general idea... She smirked wickedly and leaned forward, silencing whatever Hidan had been about to say with a steamy kiss that quickly made Kisame duck right back out.

Oh, hell. It didn't work. But dammit... Hidan gave up and relaxed, kissing her back. Well, if he was going to be pulled into this shit, he may as well enjoy himself.

-

"What was that yelling about, yeah?" Deidara asked the shark-nin when he returned from Hidan's room.

Kisame waved his hand nonchalantly. "She was just raping him," he replied.

"Oh."

Sasori rolled his eyes and went back to his book while Karasu snickered. "The bastard's probably enjoying it, too," he chortled.

"He is," Kisame confirmed, shaking his head wryly. "He's just being a pussy."

"When is he not, yeah?" Deidara replied uncharitably.

"He brought you back from the dead, Dei, so shut up."

"Does that mean I'm a zombie, yeah?"

"Sure, Dei. Sure."

The blond scowled at the shark man, then hesitantly looked down at himself. "Well.... I'm a fucking sexy zombie."

Karasu glanced up - what the hell was he doing over there, anyway? - and surveyed Deidara quietly for a moment. Then he grinned in the most disturbing manner the blond had ever seen on him. "Yep. You really are, _Dei-kun_," he purred.

Deidara paled. "Are you gay?" he asked, and pretended his voice did not come out squeakyish at all.

"Bi." Karasu licked his lips.

Deidara felt like fainting.

-

**What?! I finally updated! AMAZING!!! Lmao. Hope ya liked it! R&R! *dances* ^^**


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